What are you supposed to do when your little girl is hysterically weeping and crying for her mother?
I just sat there on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back and played Creole Christian songs for her off my iPhone; there was no sense in trying to sooth her, it just made it worse. The only other thing I could think to do was cry with her – and it was hard not to.
I wish I could know what is going on in her little head.
When Amanda left tonight at the dinner table she started to cry silent but big tears. I thought of some goofy thing to distract her by talking to myself on my cell phone and home phone all at the same time. It worked. Then we all went and played instruments down stairs, she loved the piano and the drum and the electric guitar. I think she is going to be a musician.
Getting ready for bed was all laughs and giggles and brush teeth – and then she climbed into bed, one second was giggling with Bella and the very next, without any warning, it was full throated sobs for mamma, wringing of the hands, deep chest sobs, arching her back.
But then it gets even harder because it’s not just one little girl i have to work with. I have Braeden and Bella both complaining because she is wailing out loud, and they’re telling me “She wants mamma, she wants mamma” – as if I couldn’t figure that out for myself… But which mamma?
And then Bella decides, just as Chrissy is calming down, that she wants to act up too – she probably just wants attention – I’m sure of it. But, how am I supposed to react? She has been living here for almost 4.5 years; she knows the drill, she knows the expectations, but she has been doing really well sharing her room, her toys, her clothes, her space; I don’t want to cause a wedge, but I can’t react to Bella the same way I react to Christella. It doesn’t seem fair – but life is not fair.
So an hour and a half later, I think they’re all finally asleep; for the most part, I’m still sane – Christella is crying in her sleep, very sad. I guess i have an hour or so now to try and get some homework done before crashing.
We knew it wouldn’t be easy to have such a large family; even harder under the circumstances. Do I regret it – NO WAY! There is something completely fulfilling when walking through the store and seeing our children dance around and play and giggle together.
We’re going to be financially underwater for a long time to come; I can’t believe that we put almost $6,000 dollars on credit cards over the last three weeks going down to Miami picking up the children and trying to get into a position to have 2 more children in the home. Money really goes fast! I try not to worry about the financial side of it – God has always provided for us, and I trust, that in some way, He will continue to do so.
Time goes fast too – I could never have imagined how epic it would be to get ready to leave the house, to go shopping, to do doctors appointments, to get up in the morning, with so much going on in our house…
I know we can adjust to the challenges, if I didn’t think we were up to it, we would have never started in the first place – but God told us we could do it – and we have faith in him.
I hope the adjustments come smoothly and soon!