Over the last year, it’s been pretty hard to not put on a couple COVID pounds… or, let’s be honest, about 20 COVID pounds; and as of late, when I’m looking in the mirror, and I say “Man, I’ve gotten pretty fat”, my wife @amandarachael is quick to say “You’re not fat”…..
Well, today, I went to the chiropractor (long overdue), and the chiropractor says… hrm… “you’re kind of fat, that’s gonna hurt your back”.
AND Amanda is sitting in the chair, right next to me, and she didn’t jump to defend my honor! Where were you when I needed you?!?
I decided to treat myself to new socks, so I wouldn’t have to keep spending 15 minutes every morning searching the floordrobe for socks… only to find out that the new socks have a (l)eft and (r)ight orientation.
HOW IS THAT GOING TO HELP???
To add insult to injury, I didn’t realize this until I finally decided that the socks were too uncomfortable and I needed to return them. I went to take them off and found the L on the R side, at least I got them switched around now….
So, I asked again what Amanda wants for Christmas, and she responds:
We’ve been married for almost 22 years, you should know what I want.
Danger, Will Robinson.
I can’t figure out what she is thinking day-to-day, and somehow I am now supposed to remember what she thought (or might have said) sometime this past year. It would have sounded something like this I’m sure: “Oh, that looks nice”.
She asks for more dogs and cats daily, but I have pointed out at every turn that either I or one of her myriad of animals will need to die first before that will happen.
I sought the advice of Amazon, and it wasn’t helpful at all. While I might not know what she DOES want, at least I know what she DOESN’T want when I see it.
This morning I was reminded of a memory from facebook. I tried to laugh, but it hurt too much, and then I threw my back out in the violent aftermath of an unexpected sneeze. I hope I didn’t wake any of the cats. Maybe I am allergic to cats; I hope not though, I like living at home.
I wonder what sebastian is having for dinner tonight.
~8 hours ago, Amanda posts the attached facebook message.
~3 hours ago, I almost became a darwinian statistic while carrying a kitchen chair down the stairs, and subsequently stepping on a sleeping cat.
There isn’t much I detest more than cats, besides small bugs such as gnats and mosquitoes and biting flies. It’s ironic that one tried to end my life today. Probably even walked away pissed that I dared to step on it too.
Hopefully There is no permanent damage. I am pretty sure that I’ll return to breathing without pain. I will again get to stand erect, and my legs will eventually come out on the other side of numbness.
It is also ironic that I must have gotten extra points for falling down a flight of stairs: in over 2 years of owning this watch, I’ve never reached my stairs goal.
It so happens, that in one more stroke of pure irony, when exported from the security system, the video always makes a comedic pause at the exact moment I step on the cat.
The rest is a little too embarrassing to share, but to add to the ambiance, the following words went through my mind at that exact moment: valar morghulis.