My Complaints about Thanksgiving!

In regards to HR5283, just so we understand the expectations here: These children WILL become citizens whether or not the law passes. The law on the floor will just make it so they don’t have to wait the 2 years to become a citizen, due to the way they came into the country to complete their adoption.

It means that if their parents were to die, they would be treated like their siblings in guardianship transferring to those named in a will, rather than immediately becoming wards of the state. It just means that they can travel freely in and out of the country without fear of harassment, and that they will be treated with the same respect and value and dignity that we, as American citizens, often give to no others, unless they are "Americans". I’m all for becoming a citizen legally, and if we have to wait, we have to wait.

However, as a family that adopted children from another country, I can’t tell you how surprising it is when we hear people express anger or consternation at us or towards us for helping people in another country instead of helping people here at home.

Little do they know that our family is very active in doing both, as are most every family that has opened up to a foreign adoption. And, more than that, I guarantee, GUARANTEE, that probably 90% of the people that make statements in anger over people helping people in other countries, first, live such sheltered lives, that they truly speak only out of ignorance, and second, are likely to be doing nothing to help anybody, but themselves.

When people start to become in tune with the destitution of their own community and country, it’s a natural progression of maturity to begin to see past borders, past gender, past race and color.

Second day away from my family

This is the second day I have been away from my wife (excepting when the kids were born) since we were married almost 13 years ago… It’s quiet, somewhat peaceful, but definitely lonely!

I have only been without the children (except for births) a few times in their whole life, and except for births, it was because we went to Haiti.

The totality of being without my wife and children is very strange – it’s definitely quiet, peaceful, and interesting to not have such weight pressing down (additionally due to the fact that I am not at home, so the million chores that I need to do aren’t on my mind constantly) – but I can say with certainty that it’s not anything I’d like to practice long term… well, maybe a few more breaks from the kids would be nice! 😉

My bucket list

Im thinking that im a pretty simple guy – there is not much i want to do before i die – and in saying that, all the little things like going to Italy or to Jerusalem are all within my grasp at any time I would want to take the risk – but i suppose my list would be simple for things that are somewhat out of my direct control (although not my sphere of influence):

1. Have a carefree day – just one!
2. See each of my children commit their lives to Christ and persist unwavering
3. Dance with my daughters on their wedding days – and love the man they are marrying
4. See my sons feel they are successful in life and have a healthy God-loving family
5. Live to an old and healthy age still married to and living with the wife of my youth

Not to much to ask for right?

The mind of a 5 year old

Late last week our friend Junior from HIS Home for Children came to stay with us for a week. When he walked in and our daughter Christella saw him, she hid, and went off alone and was in tears – such strong tears that she was having gut-wrenching convulsions.

I turned to Junior and said "I bet she thinks you’re taking her ‘home’" – and sure enough – she was afraid Junior was here to take her back to the Orphanage. Once Amanda and Junior (Amanda in English, Junior in Creole) explained that Junior was only here to visit, and when he left, Christella would be staying with us – she brightened right up, and not another word of it.

It was a great confirmation that she loves us, and wants to be with us, but a sad testimonial to how much trauma she has experienced in her short little life.

Family Reunion

The sting of bitter-sweet moments…

Below are pictures of the Hotel Villa Therese that we stayed at twice last year in Haiti, before and after pictures posted by our friend (and Hotel Manager, Alix).

It took me a few minutes to even be sure that I was looking at the same structure – unbelievable. And then, when searching to try and understand how the guests of the Hotel fared, I found this article…

I have heard people, perhaps carelessly, talk about how much “beauty” they see in the ruins of Haiti, but can we really forget so quickly what happened to the lives of the people there, and how this destruction impacted people around the world, once we are home, and comfortable in the safety of our lives?

I have to warn you, that it is absolutely heart-breaking; and only one single story, in a country full of devastation.

While I’m usually someone with a lot of words – there really isn’t anything that I can think to say – just numb silence…

It will always be with bitter-sweet memories that I recall the month that the Lord brought our children home to us.

What are you supposed to do?

What are you supposed to do when your little girl is hysterically weeping and crying for her mother?

I just sat there on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back and played Creole Christian songs for her off my iPhone; there was no sense in trying to sooth her, it just made it worse. The only other thing I could think to do was cry with her – and it was hard not to.

I wish I could know what is going on in her little head.

When Amanda left tonight at the dinner table she started to cry silent but big tears. I thought of some goofy thing to distract her by talking to myself on my cell phone and home phone all at the same time. It worked. Then we all went and played instruments down stairs, she loved the piano and the drum and the electric guitar. I think she is going to be a musician.

Getting ready for bed was all laughs and giggles and brush teeth – and then she climbed into bed, one second was giggling with Bella and the very next, without any warning, it was full throated sobs for mamma, wringing of the hands, deep chest sobs, arching her back.

But then it gets even harder because it’s not just one little girl i have to work with. I have Braeden and Bella both complaining because she is wailing out loud, and they’re telling me “She wants mamma, she wants mamma” – as if I couldn’t figure that out for myself… But which mamma?

And then Bella decides, just as Chrissy is calming down, that she wants to act up too – she probably just wants attention – I’m sure of it. But, how am I supposed to react? She has been living here for almost 4.5 years; she knows the drill, she knows the expectations, but she has been doing really well sharing her room, her toys, her clothes, her space; I don’t want to cause a wedge, but I can’t react to Bella the same way I react to Christella. It doesn’t seem fair – but life is not fair.

So an hour and a half later, I think they’re all finally asleep; for the most part, I’m still sane – Christella is crying in her sleep, very sad. I guess i have an hour or so now to try and get some homework done before crashing.

We knew it wouldn’t be easy to have such a large family; even harder under the circumstances. Do I regret it – NO WAY! There is something completely fulfilling when walking through the store and seeing our children dance around and play and giggle together.

We’re going to be financially underwater for a long time to come; I can’t believe that we put almost $6,000 dollars on credit cards over the last three weeks going down to Miami picking up the children and trying to get into a position to have 2 more children in the home. Money really goes fast! I try not to worry about the financial side of it – God has always provided for us, and I trust, that in some way, He will continue to do so.

Time goes fast too – I could never have imagined how epic it would be to get ready to leave the house, to go shopping, to do doctors appointments, to get up in the morning, with so much going on in our house…

I know we can adjust to the challenges, if I didn’t think we were up to it, we would have never started in the first place – but God told us we could do it – and we have faith in him.

I hope the adjustments come smoothly and soon!

What a week!

I was excited to realize today that our adoption trip is over in some ways. Because our children are now home there is no real reason to blog under adoptions anymore! 🙂

We have engaged with a lawyer in our state and have begun the process of domestic adoption – while the costs are not done yet, I was happy to find out that we are looking at a couple thousand additional in comparison to the over twenty thousand that has been part of our international adoption so far. We are still waiting to hear from our previous lawyer -he has offered to get our original documents back out of IBESR – as they are the easiest way to proceede – not hearing from him in over a week, we are not sure what to expect.

Christella is settling in very well – with the children as if she has been here her entire life – and I am amazed at home much English she knows! With myself she has really opened up to me the last couple days, wanting to sit with me, and talk with me (altough still hesitant). There is still te battle of the will that happens with any 5 year old – and some friends and family want to give in to the battle – so that has been a bit of a struggle – but one that will pass.

JJ has been the challenge. We thought Christella might have the hard time adjusting – but JJ seems to be experiencing the effects of both bad health and trauma.

He has not yet obtained a nomal bowel movement – and they are very very messy and very very smelly – no foods seem to be bringing relief to us or him – at least his ears are healing.

The emotional side is something else. He is needy – no other way to describe it. For the most part he is constantly crying for attention – he needs to be held and touched and reaffirmed non-stop. He is getting better – but it is very trying, and the first week was almost unbearable!

When he is not crying he is hugging my or amandas leg – as seen In this snapshot while I was blogging. He is starting to get down and play though – which is a good sign – but there is clear and obvious signs of the trauma of the earth quake – as he was never like this at anytime that we visited him last year.

I am confident that he will eventually work it out with a lot of love and patience – right now he just needs to know that we are here for him.

On the other front – Our oldest has finally been officially diagnosed with ADHD, as well as anxiety issues and some obsessive compulsive behavior – guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree although we already knew – but great to have it understood. For the ADHD we can now look to medical help – as it has been shown to be the most effective – for the other two being informed parents will help a lot. The doctor provided us with books to read which can help us better understand how to work with hm.

Once we complete Braedens evaluation, with Donovan, Braeden and I all having our ADHD being addressed – I think the level of chaos will finally start to come down in our home – something I am looking forward to! I feel so bad that the medical field did not know about ADHD growing up – I think my parents could have had a much better life.

Anyway this is the first chance I have had to blog since we came home – sleep is starting to come back to normal for our house too.

We still have a lot to learn and adjust too – and I now understand why the screening for adoption is so extensive 😉

Haiti: Making Sense of suffering?

A powerful aftershock today resulted in the final determination that the buildings of the HIS Home Orphanage are no longer safe even to be around. The buildings had to be abandoned. The children have been moved to a local Church down the road.

This afternoon I found this article about a young 22 year old woman who was working with Orphans in Haiti; she was killed when the 7 story building she was staying in collapsed in a “blink of an eye”. Our hearts go out to her friends and family; this story hits very close to home.

I’m sure in the days and weeks to come there will be numerous tragedies like this discovered and reported on. There really is no answer to the question of “why” even when our entire lifespan is just a breath on a cold winters morning. I have to lean heavily on the trust that there is a reason; and all the senselessness of the destruction and death and chaos will someday make sense.

As you probably are; I have been really struggling over the last couple days in trying to make sense in my heart out of all the pain and suffering and destruction that is going on in Haiti right now. I can’t make any sense of it, no matter how I try.

I’m not really sure if there is any way to make sense of it, as we are looking through a small telescope at the vastness of the universe of time, we can only see one small moment in one small area of space.

I was reminded today, in the midst of this agony of heart something I read by C.S. (Jack) Lewis, regarding the problem of pain and suffering in his book, The Great Divorce. I thought I would share.

It really brings no consolation for a broken heart: but it at least can remind us, that there is a God-view that we cannot see – and we must remember to trust and have faith.

“‘That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, ‘No future bliss can make up for it,’ not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say ‘Let me have but this and I’ll take the consequences’: little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man’s past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man’s past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say ‘We have never lived anywhere except Heaven,’ and the Lost, ‘We were always in Hell.’ And both will speak truly.’ – C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34864920/ns/world_news-haiti_earthquake/

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34879803/ns/world_news-haiti_earthquake/

http://mollyinhaiti.blogspot.com/