You too now begin to be a magician
Ok, there are so many wonderful and amazing things to say about our children and our experience so far.. but Amanda has been keeping everyone apprised of how things are going (with pictures too). Right now, because I’m exhausted, and I don’t feel very well – I’m just going to say…. I ate goat today!
One week left until we hop on a plane and fly over the entire eastern coast of the United States and land inside of Haiti.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more worried and excited all at the same time!
I have three beautiful, wonderful children here at home that I’ve never been without for more than a day. Three children that I haven’t ever spent as much time as I would like with, three children that have so much potential and possibilities and capabilities if they can grow up in a loving and caring home filled with their mother and father.
If something was to happen to us, they’ll live on, I know they will, they’ll adjust, they’ll have to, and they’ll be loved and cared for, I know they will, but it just won’t be the same for them… how would they cope, would they be raised the way we long to raise them, would they have a loving relationship with God their father? Would they blame God, and if they do, who is going to help them understand and accept His will?
And then I have two beautiful, wonderful little girls that are in Haiti. I do not know them very well, except that they are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of our Father and creator, that they have no home of their own, and no family of their own, and that I have this indescribable desire to love them, and hold them, and give them out of everything great and small that the Lord has given to me. And what if they lose yet another set of parents?
Would they all have the wisdom to say: “Blessed be the name of the Lord: Blessed be his name in a land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow: Blessed be his name when the road’s filled with suffering, when there’s pain in the offering, Blessed be his name… He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, Blessed be your name!”
While life is always on the edge, and at any moment something could happen to me or Amanda or both (may it never be), I weep for the possibility that my children could lose their parents, and also that our daughters from Haiti wouldn’t ever get to know the love that we have to offer them. The fear that no parent wants to face, and yet, it’s always there…
To leave my children without a father (or mother) would be something I hope they never have to face, but don’t misunderstand, I don’t fear for my own life (well – except that I hope I don’t go painfully ), because I truly believe for me “To live is Christ, but to die is gain…”
Lord protect us, and give us the strength to face anything you send our way!
You know, with the 10 million some odd children around the world that do not have families, it disgusts me that when you’re looking to adopt, everybody and their brother is sticking their hands in your pockets.
We just found out this morning that we need to have our papers signed by the state and the consulate – we knew that part – but didn’t know that it was at 10$ a piece… we have over 80 unique documents, that’s 800$ to get them signed and sealed.
AND THEN – if there are any problems with any of the documents 6 months down the road when they’re actually reviewed, we have to have them resigned and resealed.
AND we also found out that we have to be fingerprinted for each of our daughters we are adopting at 650$ for each fingerprinting… my town office finger printed me for free a few months ago – why 1300$???
The greed in this world disgusts me….
It was a very humbling and emotional experience, and one that creates excitement for our future redemption! We felt going in like we were going to be somewhat on trial, everything we’ve ever done, how we’ve done it, and why was going to be examined, and dissected… and yet, the social worker understood that we were human, that we have frailties, but that we love our children, and we strive hard to give them the very best we can – both in love, and direction and in safety and health…
It was amazing how good it felt to have a complete stranger (even one as amazing as Grace turned out to be) feel so confident and be so complimentary on how we’re raising and taking care of our children’s physical and emotional and mental needs, how good it felt for someone that knows families and children to say “You are doing a good job”…
And I pause and think: if it feels so amazing to have someone you don’t even know say “Well done”, to have someone who we don’t know who has the ability to deny us or accept us, to have someone we don’t even know who could judge us, our motives, our intentions, our failures, instead look with an understanding eye and judge our successes and understand our weaknesses; just imagine, that day, someday in the future when the Lord and creator of all will say “well done good and faithful servant”.
Won’t that be wonderful!
Ok, so I really am, honestly, the worst artist in the world – I know that, I’ve accepted that… but tonight, while using Skype to talk to Amanda in the next room (to her annoyance) – I decided to draw a caricature of her. Now, the funny thing is, I envisioned this skinny lean face with this big round nose – because of the way she was looking into the monitor of the computer screen – her nose looked accentuated – bigger than it normally looks..
So I grab my pen, and start inking – and this is what I came up with… then I laughed for about 15 minutes – but apparently she didn’t find it as humorous as I did.
Oh well – not everyone has such a great sense of humor…
Happy New Year from those of us with grayed hair and wrinkled faces!
Dear Lord,
I was asked to sit down today and think about my strengths and think about my weaknesses, and this is what I came to realize:
I am weak, but you are strong. However, I have found that I can do all things when you strengthen me. When I think I know something, when I think I understand, I find I am a fool. You alone are wise. When I ask of you, you give me freely of the fountain of your wisdom. I confess that I am selfish, and self-willed, but you are compassionate and shelter even the smallest of your creation. Through you I understand pure and undefiled religion. I lose my cool so quickly Lord, but you are slow to wrath. Through your patience I learn to wait on you and you give me strength. I am unloving and calloused, I mistreat even those closet to me, but you are love Lord, you love even those who despise you, and through you I find compassion for your creatures.
I realize that I am weak in all things, but through your sufficiency your power is made manifest in me, you strengthen me in all things, and I am reborn:
Lord, I am yours.
Your son,
Jediah
Ok, we’ve seen them down the road before; and we’ve heard them out in the woods – and I once even witnessed a pack take down a deer a couple miles from here – but when they show up in your back yard, licking their chops (I have chickens and children) – what are you supposed to do?
They’re almost to magnificent to kill – but I think the winter kill of the deer last year was so significant that we’re likely to have a big problem with them this year….
Ok, so I’ve listened to Amanda for years complain about the fact that as a photographer, she gets really good pictures of everyone else’s family; but we never have good pictures, because I won’t pay for a photographer to take our pictures (because Amanda is a photographer), and she can’t do a good job at all trying to run back and forth from the camera, or even using the remote to push the button – because she can’t see how everyone is lined up and posed.
In my brilliance (?); I suggested that Amanda call another local photographer that she knows to see if he would like to swap photo-sessions at the studio. Sure enough, he and his wife were just discussing the same dilemma, and they thought it was a great idea.
I think it worked out really well – although I didn’t get a chance to see their family photos – Amanda is a really good portrait photographer, so I’m confident that they were able to get some good pictures (as long as her backdrop was able to fit the whole family in to her Christmas backdrop which wasn’t intended for more then 4-5 people at most). And I’m pleased with our pictures – except camera’s rarely are able to capture my good looking side (I could use the ontological argument to prove that it does actually exist outside of my mind.. but what’s the point)…
Anyway, here are the pictures…
Ok, first part of this story is that I have been waiting for my chickens to lay eggs all summer…
Last Saturday I went out and found that my chickens had laid eggs! While I was surprised that the first eggs were so large, and heavy (I thought maybe they were frozen because they were in the outside chicken run instead of the inside coup) – I took it in stride and was extremely excited that I finally got eggs!
But what I came to find out is that my sadistic sister-in-law (with the help of my eager parents) came over while we were out of town the night before, picking up my broken car that had been fixed, and they placed hard-boiled eggs in my chicken coup. That explained the size & weight of the eggs… I sure would have been surprised when I went to crack them open for Sunday morning pancakes.
I’m not going to forget though; I’m not going to turn the other cheek – and when she least expects it I’m going to get her back, and get her back good…
In the mean time, I went out to the chicken coup this evening, and I have a message for her…
Hey Ellen… go suck on an Egg – in fact actually go suck two! I’ll gladly loan you slop covered eggs I took out of the coup tonight!
