Category: family

I’ve been a bit sad…

Ok: I’m not much of a sappy tell the world about my problems kind of blogger… but hey, every once in a while might not be that bad…

Sadness crept in unexpected and somewhat overwhelming when I realized yesterday that this coming week is the family visit as H.I.S. Home for Children.

 

So far this year, we have gone on every visit (Feb. and May) – but it just wasn’t financially feasible to make the international trip again in August.  I’m going to have to go back down sometime soon for paperwork; the plane trip is usually only about 400-500$ a person; but then there is the cost of staying in a hotel for a week and a half – and eating out for a week and a half… overall our trips have been averaging about $3500.

You’d think that hotels and food in a third world country would be cheaper – but they aren’t… that’s wicked sad when you think about it – because the average income for the small percentage of people (and we’re talking like %50) that actually have jobs is like $5 a day, and for us to eat in Haiti at it’s cheapest was probably $25 dollars a day per person, of course, we were eating like American’s not like Haitians.

The sadness comes from the realization of how long it’s been since we have held our children; and the sadness is mixed with loving jealousy of the other families that are going to get to spend a week and a half with their children.

So far this year; the time has flown by so fast; it’s hard to believe that it’s been over 8 months since we’ve started our adoption process; but it’s been over three months since we have gotten to see our children in person; and it’s heartbreaking.

 

🙁

How to give children a moral compass in Cyberspace

Within cyberspace where people roam with little to no immediate governing restrictions, how does one impress on the youth and young adults that are developing their moral compass what is acceptable from a moral and ethical perspective?

Nancy Willard points out in her article Moral Development in the Information Age that the framework of the Internet has been designed such that it is disconnected and decentralized. As a result; no one agency can effectively police and dictate morality and ethical responsibility, therefore decisions are widely left up to individuals (Willard, 1997).

Because of four key factors that Willard points out in her article, namely: a) Lack of affective feedback; b) reduced fear of risk of detection; c) New environment requires new rules; and d) perceptions of social injustice (Willard, 1997), it seems that it is difficult for individuals to make the transition between the “real world” and the “digital world”. And because morality and ethics in cyberspace are driven mainly off of individual decisions, it becomes even more paramount that these issues be address during the growth and development of today’s youth (Willard, 1997).

As a result; I believe that first and foremost in order to expand morality and ethics into the Information Age, there must be an agreement to the ideals of universal propositions, like those defined by Turiel: concepts of Justice, rights and welfare (Willard, 1997).

Apart from this central foundation, according to further studies by Hoffman and Baumrind, in order to teach internalized moral responsibility, it is imperative that parents, teachers and other influential men and women begin to help children and young adults focus on the consequences of their actions based on these universals, rather than focusing on the responsibility to follow a set of rules (Willard, 1997).

By means of this approach, we prepare the future generation to mature in their own idealizations of what is morally acceptable and unacceptable even in a world where boundaries are largely determined by individualistic principles (Willard, 1997), and where unexplored moral challenges present themselves frequently.

References

Willard, N. (1997). Moral Development in the Information Age. Retrieved July 30, 2009, from http://tigger.uic.edu/~lnucci/MoralEd/articles/willard.html

Paperwork .. Hurrah!

We received our paperwork from our lawyer today; translated into French and they did an amazing job; I guess you do get what you pay for.

Now we need to get to Boston in the next couple days, get the papers signed, and overnight them back to our lawyer so that he can get them into MOFA so we can finalize our Haitian approval to adopt.

We continue to pray and hope that things in Haiti will go smoother with our children and their paperwork – last we heard, we’re still in a holding pattern.. we need to call and find out if Christella’s uncle showed up after 5 months…

I guess this seems like a common thing; perhaps her uncle after seeing that she did not die, and is being taken care of no longer feels the urgency in finding her a home; perhaps something happened to him, perhaps he has just not been able to afford the time and money to come into Port Au Prince… either way; we can’t do much until some decision is made on how to proceed next…

I need to fly down to Haiti again soon too, so I can submit the children’s paperwork under the Adjudicate Orphan First program…

Driving in Haiti

 

On this rainy Saturday afternoon, I decided to blog something from our Haiti trip.  This is just a quick video snippet – not much here – but plenty more where this one came from. 

 

Like so many other things in Haiti, when you get in a vehicle it is obvious that you are putting your life in God’s hands.  No real speed limits; hardly any traffic signs, road signs; the only real law seems to be “honk before you hit someone or something, or it is your fault”. 

Driving in Haiti, you cram 2-3 times as many people in the vehicles as the vehicle was intended to hold; no seat belts of course; no emissions regulations either – so you’re breathing thick black air poisonous air, your hair and skin is covered in dust and powdery black substances (soot?) when you get to your destination.

The roads are very adventurous though; huge potholes, stream beds, etc. 

 

So… why could we only fit 25 people in a 14 seat van?  See below for the answer!

We went Lobstahing yesterday…

We rented a cottage out in Belfast, froze to death sleeping about 100 feet from the ocean (probably about 50 degrees with all the windows down in the cottage); unfortunately; the tide didn’t come until after we were asleep, and didn’t go out until after we had left, so we weren’t able to have an evening serenade.  The moon on the ocean on the other hand was absolutely beautiful… although I’m still waiting for Amanda to give me a copy of the pictures.

We also jumped on a lobster boat for a couple hours in the afternoon; we all came back well-done; but the sea breeze, the smell of fish, and the wide open space of the ocean was very much enjoyed.

I thought a lot about Christella and Jediah and how they will take to all of the adventures that we get to have in this country of plenty.  For them, an adventure is going to the supermarket…

I almost tried to attempt the very tip of Maiden’s Cliff again with the family; but being that it has rained for almost 3 weeks straight, I assumed it would still be as soggy and buggy as it was two weeks ago when we attempted it.

 

SAMSUNG SAGA 027 SAMSUNG SAGA 023 SAMSUNG SAGA 024 SAMSUNG SAGA 025

Here are a couple pictures I had taken, although my Saga severely over-exposes pictures apparently.

Why Missions work is so enthralling to me…

In the past two months I have read 9 books; 8 of which have been books on missions:

  • Lords of the Earth
  • Peace Child
  • Eternity In their Hearts
  • Bruchko: The Astonishing True Story Of A Nineteen-Year-Old’s…
  • Mountains Beyond Mountains
  • Through Gates of Splendor
  • End of the Spear
  • Let the Nations Be Glad

I have been amazed at the dedication and willingness of the men and women discussed in these books to put their own comfort aside and subjugate their bodies into the harsh realities of Stone-Age tribal living, willingly and selflessly for the love of people they have never met, people that don’t understand that love and sacrifice, people who often only know hatred and fear and killing, people that in many cases kill those brining the gospel of the good news. 

Add to that the lack of want for revenge of deaths, how the families just get up and carry on, once again trying to reach the stone age tribes that have tried to kill them, or have successfully killed spouses or children – it’s humbling and convicting.  They truly understand Matt 10:39:

“If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”

But tonight, while talking with a friend, I realized there was even more to it that I found so enthralling.  I thought I would share some of my thoughts that I shared with him during our discussion on why missions work is so enthralling to me…

“I watched the EE TAOW video you referenced [on youtube]; it was pretty amazing.  Growing up in a Christian family (and in some ways, I’m sure not complaining), however, I missed out on the amazing experience of reading the gospel story as an unfolding book from start to finish.  As an adult, I have read many, many life-changing books, and I can appreciate the thrill of turning the next page to find out what happens next – but the bible is truly the most amazing story ever told. 

In my early life, and in so many children and teen lives, I see that they are or have been underwhelmed with the story due to the over-indulgence of the terse repetition in a mundane and monotonous way.  When the story is not a living and breathing story, but a bedtime story used to frighten people into moral submission.

It sadly seems that in a luke-warm “Christian based” society (Of course being most familiar with western Culture, I would say especially in the western culture), there is a lot of inoculation of the gospel that occurs in young lives by the way media, technology and advancements make passé the bible stories and take awe out of the unimaginable – that story that shows how the Creator would empty himself and take on our just penalty due to us in our own bodies for our own transgressions. 

I think that is one thing that inspires me deeply when reading these books of missionaries reaching tribes that have never been exposed to the gospel – these people haven’t had their “Christian vaccination” yet. 

I think the other thing is seeing people actually put their lives and actions in line with their convictions (something I think we all continue to try and struggle to do).”

Because of my experience with my “Christian vaccination” while growing up, where I turned the bible from the living and breathing word of God into a bunch of stories used to tell us the parameters of our moral imperatives.. I have always been afraid that I would inoculate my children against the Word as I was inoculated (innocently but detrimentally).  I found that I was not really in love with the stories of the bible, but only respecting them for the knowledge that can be found within. 

In the past I’ve read the bible to be smarter, but not to live better, I’ve read the bible so that I could teach others but I did not let it’s awe and wonder sink into my own flesh and bones, but I can feel that slowly changing…

In reading these stories of the missionaries that have died for Christ, but harder still, who also lived Christ – and hearing and seeing the joy and amazement being brought to the minds and hearts of people throughout the world by the revelation made known through the Word, I’ve realized, that within the right framework of a relationship with God, instead of a series of rules that must be followed – that through reading this book myself and to my children just the opposite is what will happen. 

If this book is so precious it’s worth dying over; how much more so is it worth living over!

A day to be sad… and grateful

I have no idea what I expect father’s day to be like; but I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be like this years… 

Our kids woke us up fighting and arguing with each other around 5:30 in the morning.  Stupid things, dumb things, the most ridiculous things that they argue about, so I started my day with a little less than 5 hours of sleep (in truth i kind of dozed in and out from 5:30-7:30, so I may have gotten about 6 hours of sleep).  I don’t function really well on less than 7.5 hours of sleep.  So I’ve been kind of dragging all day, ready to fall asleep, can’t barely keep my eyes open.

I also have such a hard time when being amazed at how American my children are in their safe and comfortable homes, all the food they can eat (and snub their noses at), all the things they have and take for granted. 

I can’t fault my children for having such cushy and safe lives; I’m glad they have them, but I wish, I sure wish that when they sat down to pray for their food, they truly knew how thankful they should be that they had so much to choose from.  I wish they knew how lucky they are to be able to go to the doctors every time their ‘tummy hurts’; and know that they can get the best medicine that civilization has to offer them…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be in a part of the world where I can give my children these things, but, I wish there was someway that they could see how really blessed they are, without them having to go without… it’s funny (ironic) how you really can’t learn appreciation for things you have except to experience their lack…  Perhaps that’s why suffering is so important…

So, I don’t fault my children for all the things they have and take for granted, but as I sat there today, eating my 15 fried clams, watching my wife eat her 13 dollar steak, watching my kids throw out their 8 dollar chicken meals, that they just decided they didn’t want after we ordered them; I was thinking about my son and daughter in Haiti much more than usual.

It’s odd, that while during the day today I was wishing that my children were somehow better behaved, and somehow more wizened in the ways of the suffering people experience in the world, so that they could be more appreciative, I probably should have spent a little bit more time, as a father, enjoying the fact that I am a father, and I do have children to annoy me, wake me up at 5:30 A.M., and fight and argue with each other.

Because all the while, as my tiredness was attributing to my frustration in how my children were acting, I was also missing Christella and Jediah something terrible. 

How can you really have a happy father’s day if all of your children aren’t around to wake you up at 5:30 in the morning, to fight and argue with each other, and to have all the healthy food they could want to eat. 

At the end of the day, I have realized, that I should have been myself more thankful today for the time that i did have with my children that are already living at home, and thank God that by the experience of the lack of having some of my children at home, he helped me realize that I need to appreciate what I do have through the sadness of the experience of what I don’t have.

Hrm… I guess being so tired makes me ramble too…  but, Donovan, Braeden, Bella: Thank you for being my children – even with all of your humanity and child-like naivety, and Christella and Jediah, I miss you guys so much, and look forward to the time when we will all be together.