If I wasn’t so worried about my children here… I’d be on a plane to Haiti tomorrow…

 

If I wasn’t so worried about leaving my children without parents if something happened to me, I think I would be on the next plane to Haiti! 

Skyping with our children in Haiti is getting a little easier.  Settling back into the understanding that it is going to take time, a long time, and there is nothing we can do about it, brings almost a sense of relief in the acceptance.  Please don’t misunderstand, it saddens me beyond words that it’s going to take so long, and I’m still resolved to do anything and everything I can to speed along the process, but, there is a certain pressure and pain in worrying about something you can’t change that is relieved when you finally accept that you can’t change something.

Instead, I realized today, I need to focus on what I can do.  I can work to gain more financial independence so that I can give my five children an even better life.  I can continue to work on being a better father and provider.  I can pray without ceasing for the health and safety of my entire family (even with it being spread across the continent).

But I realized today too that I can’t be so caught up in getting my children home, that I forget to live my life with my children that are already home.

I think I really would be on a plane to Haiti tomorrow, if I didn’t have to worry about what would happen to my children if something happened to me…

Perhaps there is some blessing in how fast time flies… we are finishing up our Dossier within the next week or two – hoping that our lawyer can connect up with our Cresh, so we can get our dossier submitted – and then the long wait starts….

 

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Jedidiah and Christella; beautiful and half a world away.  I can’t wait to hold them again!

Does God Really Exist?

Saturday, March 14, 2009 Jediah Logiodice

I spent some time revisiting this topic for a class discussion I was having with the young men in our Church – I figured I’d post it here too.

Does God Really Exist?

What if someone asks you “Why do you believe in God”, but they don’t believe in the bible? Trying to prove the God who is revealed in the bible using the bible is a form of “begging the question”. An example of “begging the question” is as follows. Question: How do you know God exists; answer: because the bible tells us so. Question: But how do you know the bible is right; Answer: because God says it is!

You see, in this type of reasoning, you try to prove that God is real by using the bible, and yet, you use the bible to prove God is real. The argument is circular, and literally “begs the question”.

Remember, the Word of God is alive and sharper than any two edged sword (Heb 4:12, NIV), however, you can’t expect people to understand the power of the bible, if they don’t believe in the existence of God in the first place. So, what other kind of reasons could you use without appealing to the scriptures to show that God exists?

As we discussed in our class, here are some available options (although, this list is not complete, and is not as detailed as it could be):

Argument from Experience:

While you can’t see the wind, you can see the things the wind does and experience the feelings caused by the wind (e.g. blown hair, sand in your eyes, etc.). One argument for the existence of God is based on the things that we can see or experience as a result of God. The argument could go something like this: I have experienced God, therefore I know God exists.

While this argument is very powerful for the individual who has experienced God, it falls short of being able to convince someone that has never experienced God (i.e. How could you explain color to someone who is color blind, they would really have to have faith in you and your experience of color in order to believe in color).

Another reason to be cautious with the argument is that sometimes our feelings might not always represent reality (e.g. feeling like someone is watching you, when someone really isn’t [or at least as far as you knowJ]).

Teleological Argument (Or argument from design):

Another argument for the existence of God is based on the complexity of human life. The argument can be similarly compared to an argument set forth by William Paley that states an idea that if someone were to come upon a watch while walking, they would not assume that the watch ‘just appeared’ or ‘came to exist by itself’; logic would seem to dictate that there was a watchmaker that made the watch.

While some will find this argument to be very compelling; at the same time, there is a danger in appealing to the idea of a “God of the gaps”, i.e. invoking God for anything that we can’t understand based on our current scientific knowledge. The problem is that the more we, as humans, can understand based on continued evaluation of the natural laws, the less room there is for “God”, if “God” is defined as The Being that does all the things that we can’t explain.

Ontological Argument (Or argument from being):

The ontological argument is an argument that has been around for a long, long time. I enjoy Anselm’s version the most, and therefore will use it. The Ontological argument is a form of philosophical reasoning that tries to set forth a statement where the conclusion is true, as long as each of the individual statements is true.

Anselm’s argument goes something like this:

1. The definition of God means “The greatest thing”

2. Things that are outside the mind (in reality) are greater than things that are only in the mind (imaginary).

3. If God is only in the mind, then there would be something greater than God, that is, a God that exists outside of the mind.

4. Because the definition of God means “The greatest thing”, by definition, God has to exist outside of the mind, because He must be greater than the God that exists in the mind.

5. Therefore: God exists outside of the mind.

Cosmological Argument:

When discussing existence, the idea will inevitably arise that asks: “Why is there something, rather than nothing”. This question is phrased in such a way to show that the asker is searching for a cause or reason of existence; however, the question itself presupposes the idea that there really is something rather than nothing (that things really exist).

We’ll assume that everyone reading this agrees that things do exist (otherwise, you’re not really reading this, so it doesn’t really matter). So the next question is “Where did this something come from?”

From all that is known of science and philosophy, there is a premise that says “if there was ever a time in the existence of the world that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, than today, there would still be absolutely nothing, for out of nothing, nothing comes!”

Let me put it another way: If there was nothing, and something needed to make itself out of this nothing, then this something would have to be made before it could be made, that is, it would have to pre-date itself to create itself. This premise is logically impossible. In fact, even God, if He exists, can’t make Himself.

In philosophy, when discussing the concepts of existence, there are two primary terms that are put forth to identity existence. In existence, there are things that are contingent (i.e. things that rely on something else to create them) or there are things that are necessary (i.e. something in which its very essence is complete and existing with neither beginning nor end having no need outside of its own self).

While there is so much detail that can included on this one topic; the summary is this: things exist, and yet, to exist, there must be a cause, however, if there is a cause, there must be, somewhere in the history of past causes a very first cause. That very first cause cannot be caused, and cannot cause itself, and therefore the first cause must by necessary (as defined above).

In the end, the cosmological argument, can be understand in a very simplistic form which states:

· The world exists

· There must be a reason that the world exists

· The reason must be provided by something that is necessary, not contingent

· Therefore: A necessary being exists, and God is that necessary being.

Argument from Universals:

This is an argument that is used to help underline the existence of a universal idea, most often the universal of a moral value. C.S. Lewis pointed out in his book Mere Christianity that while people will often argue about that fact that a “standard of morals” does not exist, the very fact that they are arguing goes to prove that they both believe there is a standard that they are appealing to. I would never try and convince you of “right” versus “wrong” unless I had some standard of right to point at.

This argument is sometimes put forth in a similar fashion as was done by St. Thomas Aquinas:

· Something can be judged more or less good only if it is held up to a standard of that which is perfect

· Things are judged more or less good

· Therefore: a perfect standard exists, and that standard is God

Pascal’s Wager:

In final, Pascal’s wager, which we really didn’t talk about in class, makes the argument that it is smarter and safer to believe in God than to not believe in God. While I don’t necessarily condone this type of reasoning (because it really doesn’t bring someone to a true faith in God), it certainly can be used as a means to get people thinking. Pascal’s wager goes something like this:

· If God doesn’t exist, but you believe in him, you will lose a little bit of time and money now, but nothing in eternity

· If God does exist, but you don’t believe in him, you will save a little bit of time and money now, but you will suffer for eternity

· Therefore: It’s a much wiser idea to believe in God.

Waiting… Waiting…

Waiting to talk to Christella today was almost like waiting for Christmas morning as a little child; there was the excitement and the butterflies in the stomach, and yet it was somewhat a little different.

Looming in the air was a twinge of sadness, having reinforced that our relationship as father and daughter is confined to face to face 10 minute conversations twice a month and letters that we write to her (but won’t expect any back in return).

When we got done, I was emotionally drained. I felt like I had been crying for hours… pathetic I know – but that was the feeling. I had a headache, signs of high blood pressure, sick to my stomach and just very, very sad.

I’m so glad we get to talk to her every two weeks, but boy, oh boy, does it really hurt to see her and still know that it’s going to be a long time before she comes home.

It’s going to be a very long year…

 

Christmas in February – Books, Books & More Books!

Ok, so my favorite past time is reading; and every year, at tax return time, I allow myself to splurge on books. I usually go through and buy a couple hundred dollars worth of books that I’ve been collecting on my Amazon Wish list.

This year, I struggled, to buy a kindle or not buy a kindle. I’ll cut the suspension to a minimum: I didn’t buy a kindle.

I figured, buy a kindle for 400$ and then have almost nothing to buy Kindle books with; and additionally, the thousands of books I already have, very few are in Kindle format, and of the 140 or so books on my wish list, only about 7 of them were available via Kindle.

Plus the Kindle is still not color, and still doesn’t have WiFi access. So, instead, I bought a couple hundred dollars worth of books – and now I need to build a bigger book shelf.

If you’re interested in seeing the types of books I buy and read, you can check out my Amazon media library:

NOTE: That doesn’t cover any of the Audio books I listen too, however, I try and buy the books of audio books I listen too, so that I have them to reference if I ever need to recall something I heard.

I hope to someday be able to get my children to read all of these books too; it’ll be like I have a family library – where the kids can come and check books out and read them (if people still read hardcopies then [re: Kindle’s, et. Al.].

There and back again…

We made it home yesterday – after waiting 5 hours in the Haiti terminal, getting three hours of sleep in a Miami hotel, and another 2 hour flight and 5 hour drive. We are exhausted, and emotionally drained. To top it off, I think we picked something up on the way home, because we’ve been quite sick since Saturday evening.

I want to talk to our girls so bad; I want them to know that we didn’t abandon them, that we are still alive, that we are coming back for them, but I can’t – yet – and even if I could – how much would they understand?

It’s like these two people stepped out of a television show (Skype), made them happy for a week, showered them with love and affection, attention, and even physical possessions, that I’m sure they’ve had very little of – and then, like a dream, they woke up again one morning, and we were gone.

Do they know we really exist, do they know we really do love them, do they know that we’re coming back for them. Do they?

I was thinking when I got home, the famous words, of my most favorite movie: “The next time I go looking for my heart’s desire, I won’t look any further than my own backyard; if it’s not there, then I never really lost it to begin with.” – but that’s not entirely true – I am SO happy to be home, and the trip to Haiti has made me appreciate so much in my life that has gone unappreciated – I am truly a new person… but… I left part of my heart back in Haiti – so I now can’t really say that my heart’s desire is all in my own backyard… how very heart breaking…

 

Lord, please tell me… when can I be whole again? L

– Christella

– Fabienne

At the Orphanage…

Wow! I’ve never been so overwhelmed so quickly. We went to the orphanage today, and went down into the toddler room – and we were swamped by 20 some odd toddlers, saying “mamma me”, “papa, papa” and covering us, and holding upraised hands with little fingers that were flashing “pick me up, pick me up”.

Every child had to have their turn, being held by “Papa” – and for each child I picked up; I got HUGE grins, and smiles, and then I put them down and moved on to the next child.

I was overwhelmed during that time, and felt almost a little dirty because of all of the runny noses and dirty hands that I had all over me (and I’m a clean freak). But later on, as I was leaving, I was also overwhelmed with sadness, as I saw these faces starting at me from around the back yard to wave goodbye.

 
 

Many of these children are being adopted, but because of the laws of Haiti, they have been waiting SO very long, and very rarely get to actually feel the touch of their parents.

HIS Home for children was amazing; the love they are given, the care they are given, but nothing, and I mean nothing can compare to the gentle brush on a cheek from mamma or papa. I was overwhelmed with sadness as we left, and waved goodbye.

A couple of the children, one especially, who had almost died when he had first come in, and had went

and had a treatment in the states and came back HIV positive from a blood transfusion, this little boy touched my heart.

He was going around to everyone and kissing everyone, and hugging everyone. He even asked me to go around and give out kisses and hugs with him. Every time he saw me he would look up at me and give me a huge grin, because I had helped him up the stairs when we first got there and he was terrified, and then gave him a couple chocolates.

I’ve been fighting back constant tears today, realizing that we are leaving our girls in two days… I hope they understand, that they can begin to understand that if it is God’s will, that we will be back for them, as soon as we can…

The Beach in Haiti…

We went to the beach today – I’m happy to be alive! LoL

 
 

We drove on some roads that had recently been reopened after the kidnappings slowed way down, we drove through a street called ambush alley. We drove on the highway at 60-70 mph, without seat belts, crammed to the point of not being able to move into a vehicle, where there are no dividers in the road, no laws except the law of survival; it was indeed an adventure. Above and beyond that, the beauty of the country is marred by the destruction of last years’ hurricane, poverty, trash piles everywhere, on everything – covered in shanty shacks, and the constant smell of poisonous burning plastic. We bought some fried bananas from the many street vendors that were all over the streets everywhere….

Christella was sick on the ride over, so we all got bathed in half digested pineapple (5 times) – poor Fabienne was covered, but she didn’t make a fuss at all, while she squirmed a little bit, she put up with it! It was gross – I almost lost it – but I held in my breakfast!

The ocean was beautiful, and there were no bad smells there (except the men’s room, but I’ll spare you the description of that)! The water was so salty that you would float – we picked up tons of amazing shells, and coconuts. Fabienne was scared to death of the waves, and most everything else – it has been a week of wonders for this little girl that has been in the orphanage since she was a tiny baby – but she warmed up to the idea, and was having a great time with Christella. Christella was going around picking up shells and sea glass for Amanda.

The girls had a blast when we got home tonight. We got to see Fabienne playing for the first time – giggling, laughing, running around and screaming like a little girl! She is so amazingly sweet, cuddly, she LOVES Amanda, followers her around, loves to play with her hair. Christella continues to be amazing, she tries to please us, she shares everything she is given even coming from a place where she had nothing (that is such a blessing to see). She is such a SMART little girl, and she eats like a horse! Tonight, however, she got really grumpy and started to pout when she got really tired… she was using the “I don’t understand you” card – ignoring what we asked her to do – even though we knew all well she could understand us!

 
 

Anyway, here is a picture Amanda took of our visit to the beach today… it was amazing – although I can still smell burning plastic!

 
 

 
 

        

 
 

Getting ready… emotionally for our trip to Haiti

One week left until we hop on a plane and fly over the entire eastern coast of the United States and land inside of Haiti.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more worried and excited all at the same time!

I have three beautiful, wonderful children here at home that I’ve never been without for more than a day. Three children that I haven’t ever spent as much time as I would like with, three children that have so much potential and possibilities and capabilities if they can grow up in a loving and caring home filled with their mother and father.

If something was to happen to us, they’ll live on, I know they will, they’ll adjust, they’ll have to, and they’ll be loved and cared for, I know they will, but it just won’t be the same for them… how would they cope, would they be raised the way we long to raise them, would they have a loving relationship with God their father? Would they blame God, and if they do, who is going to help them understand and accept His will?

And then I have two beautiful, wonderful little girls that are in Haiti. I do not know them very well, except that they are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of our Father and creator, that they have no home of their own, and no family of their own, and that I have this indescribable desire to love them, and hold them, and give them out of everything great and small that the Lord has given to me. And what if they lose yet another set of parents?

Would they all have the wisdom to say: “Blessed be the name of the Lord: Blessed be his name in a land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow: Blessed be his name when the road’s filled with suffering, when there’s pain in the offering, Blessed be his name… He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, Lord, Blessed be your name!”

While life is always on the edge, and at any moment something could happen to me or Amanda or both (may it never be), I weep for the possibility that my children could lose their parents, and also that our daughters from Haiti wouldn’t ever get to know the love that we have to offer them. The fear that no parent wants to face, and yet, it’s always there…

To leave my children without a father (or mother) would be something I hope they never have to face, but don’t misunderstand, I don’t fear for my own life (well – except that I hope I don’t go painfully ), because I truly believe for me “To live is Christ, but to die is gain…”

Lord protect us, and give us the strength to face anything you send our way!

It is disgusting…

 

You know, with the 10 million some odd children around the world that do not have families, it disgusts me that when you’re looking to adopt, everybody and their brother is sticking their hands in your pockets.

 

We just found out this morning that we need to have our papers signed by the state and the consulate – we knew that part – but didn’t know that it was at 10$ a piece… we have over 80 unique documents, that’s 800$ to get them signed and sealed.

AND THEN – if there are any problems with any of the documents 6 months down the road when they’re actually reviewed, we have to have them resigned and resealed.

AND we also found out that we have to be fingerprinted for each of our daughters we are adopting at 650$ for each fingerprinting… my town office finger printed me for free a few months ago – why 1300$???

 

The greed in this world disgusts me….