Adoption…

Sometimes it seems (more often than not) it seems like all the time & money & energy is for nothing… We have consistently gone over and beyond getting every single piece of the process done that we had control over as soon as possible; finding the best lawyer there was to offer, making trip after trip out of state, for single pieces of paper, throwing every resource that God has given to us into the battle for our children’s lives & safety…

When I sit back and think about it, I’m really depressed thinking about how I haven’t spent more than a day or so with my family here in Maine on vacation since we started our adoption… every time I take vacation it’s to run to another state to do paperwork, or fly to Haiti… I keep telling myself (because I know it’s true) that when the children come home, it’ll all be worth it.

But we’re going on 9 months into the process… and we’ve been done what we needed to get done (except a couple small papers) since month 3…  and I just found out today that there is a possibility that my upcoming trip to Haiti has a high probability of accomplishing nothing (even though it is taking my final full week of vacation I have available, and going to cost a large sum of money, I don’t technically have).

Sometimes it seems like the harder we try the more that gets put in our way… I can say that so far God has overcome all of our obstacles… and the simple little faith that I have tells me He will continue to do so; for His glory… but why am I still having such a hard time letting go and giving it to Him.

Today i stepped in a tar-pit and I’m sinking fast…

I did it…

I’ve been procrastinating… I finally did it… I purchased my ticket’s to Haiti… a whole week all by myself in a country far, far from home.  And who says I’m not adventurous… and nervous…

I’ve been a bit sad…

Ok: I’m not much of a sappy tell the world about my problems kind of blogger… but hey, every once in a while might not be that bad…

Sadness crept in unexpected and somewhat overwhelming when I realized yesterday that this coming week is the family visit as H.I.S. Home for Children.

 

So far this year, we have gone on every visit (Feb. and May) – but it just wasn’t financially feasible to make the international trip again in August.  I’m going to have to go back down sometime soon for paperwork; the plane trip is usually only about 400-500$ a person; but then there is the cost of staying in a hotel for a week and a half – and eating out for a week and a half… overall our trips have been averaging about $3500.

You’d think that hotels and food in a third world country would be cheaper – but they aren’t… that’s wicked sad when you think about it – because the average income for the small percentage of people (and we’re talking like %50) that actually have jobs is like $5 a day, and for us to eat in Haiti at it’s cheapest was probably $25 dollars a day per person, of course, we were eating like American’s not like Haitians.

The sadness comes from the realization of how long it’s been since we have held our children; and the sadness is mixed with loving jealousy of the other families that are going to get to spend a week and a half with their children.

So far this year; the time has flown by so fast; it’s hard to believe that it’s been over 8 months since we’ve started our adoption process; but it’s been over three months since we have gotten to see our children in person; and it’s heartbreaking.

 

🙁

Wow God!

My new mantra must become “Less of self and more of you Lord!”.

God seems to delight (for our own good I must admit) in placing us in a position where we have exhausted all human possibilities; and therefore divine intervention is all that is left; take for example, my day today.

We received our completed dossier from our lawyer and friend Clifford Knaggs, however, USPS is like a turtle, and it took 3 days for it to be shipped to us. 

Clifford is going to Haiti next week; and if we wanted to get our paperwork submitted to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs with the rest of his current clients, we had to have our paperwork sealed by the Haitian Consulate before he left, giving him ample time to review the documents one last time.

So this morning we got up and waited to call the Consulate when they opened up.  They informed us that if we could be there by noon they could get our paperwork done for us today.

Boston is almost a 3.5 hour trip for us; and by the time I wrapped up what I was working on at work, and the kids were ready it was already almost 10.  We were now scheduled to arrive a little after 1 – but calling the consulate they said 1 was ok.

We got in the car and raced away.  On the way though we realized that we needed to get money out of our bank TD Bank north; so we had  stop and find a bank to get a money order.

Back in the car, we now realized that our Tom Tom said that we wouldn’t arrive in Boston until 2 o’clock.  The Consulate closes at three.  We knew that if we didn’t get the paperwork sealed today, and overnight shipped back to Clifford, there was very little chance that we would get into MOFA within the next month or two.

We were hungry, thirsty and already tired and very much stressed, and this extra revelation that we were probably not going to make it was so very frustrating and overwhelming.

You see, we have been doing absolutely everything we can in regards to time and money and effort to make our paperwork go as quickly as possible.  As an example; we took our 2 week Christmas vacation to complete our home study – what usually takes people a couple months to complete.  We’ve made numerous trips to Portland, and Boston and Connecticut and even Haiti just to try and get a few papers signed in person as quickly as possible.  We’ve paid for the best possible resources to help us work through this whole process (and it’s come at a high cost).  We’ve spent almost every ounce of vacation this year working on processing our adoption as quickly as possible, because we ache to have our children come home.  And yet, even with all of that; it is going on 8 months that we started our paperwork – we want our children home with us… it’s heartbreaking.  🙁

So, as we drove down the road today, realizing that there was a high possibility that we had another few months to go before we could get into the legal system in Haiti, Amanda began to weep; and I was choking back tears of my own. 

And at that moment, I said to God; “God, I feel assured that this is your plan for us, that you have asked us to do this, that you are with us.  Therefore, I know that everything that happens, happens for a reason.  I’m asking you, please, let this fall together, so we can continue to move ahead, but I accept your will.”

Little did I know, that through her tears, Amanda was saying the same thing.

And then, I noticed this little car that we had already passed once, that we began passing again (because it had a cross hanging in the rear view mirror).  And this time, for whatever reason, I took a closer look at this car; and on the back bumper there was a sticker that read: “DO NOT WORRY; GOD IS IN CONTROL”.  It’s like I wasn’t paying attention enough the first time, I hadn’t gotten the point; so God was giving me another chance.

Amanda and I both saw this; like a clear voice out of heaven, he wiped away our anxieties.

In Boston we were stuck in stupid ridiculous traffic; and got to the Consulate at about 2:15, and yet, they still agreed to do our paperwork for us!!

Also, we had been fretting about finding our TD Banknorth bank, and a FedEx to ship out the paperwork; and lo-and-behold; there was a TD Banknorth right next to the consulate and a FedEx right next to that (even though TD Bank told us there was no TD Bank in Boston… go figure).  It was like God was reminding us that He doesn’t send his workers out unprepared; that when He asks of us, He will provide.  I’ve read many books about people with the faith to know and accept this, people that would have drove right into Boston knowing that God would provide.  I don’t have that faith yet – Lord, increase my faith!

 

So, after dropping Amanda off and driving around for almost an hour; I found a parking space; and took the children into the Consulate.  They wouldn’t let me in at the front door, because it was 3:05.  However, after a call to Amanda, the Vice Consulate called and asked the front door to let us up. I got to meet and talk with the Vice Consulate General of Haiti Mr. Jean Joseph Leandre, what a nice fellow, and what an honor.

As we were leaving though, I decided to review our paperwork and found there was one piece of paper the Consulate office wouldn’t stamp because it was sealed in Florida, and convention said that we should have the Miami Consulate stamp that paper; although the Miami Consulate told Clifford that we could have it done in Boston, the Boston Consulate was not willing to do it – stating that it just wouldn’t be proper to step on Miami’s toes.

I called Clifford; who asked to speak to the ladies in the office; after some time of chatting, they handed the phone back to me and Clifford said they had agreed to do it.  Clifford is awesome!  Thank you ladies!

So we ran over to FedEx and got the papers in the mail for a 10am delivery (that’s about 9 hours from now). 

It seems like God continues to do this to us – perhaps if we learned our lesson, He wouldn’t have to.  He keeps putting us in these impossible situations, I think to make us realize that He is in control, not us; that if we do what He asks of us, but rely on Him to complete what He has started, that we wouldn’t have to feel like it all rests on our shoulder’s – that He would show that He is God, and will glorify His name.

Thank you Lord for once again reminding me.  Don’t worry, You are in control!

You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God (Mat 5:3, TM).

Benediksyon pou moun ki konnen se pòv yo ye devan Bondye, paske peyi Wa ki nan syèl la, se pou yo li ye. (Mat 5:3, BibLa)

Paperwork .. Hurrah!

We received our paperwork from our lawyer today; translated into French and they did an amazing job; I guess you do get what you pay for.

Now we need to get to Boston in the next couple days, get the papers signed, and overnight them back to our lawyer so that he can get them into MOFA so we can finalize our Haitian approval to adopt.

We continue to pray and hope that things in Haiti will go smoother with our children and their paperwork – last we heard, we’re still in a holding pattern.. we need to call and find out if Christella’s uncle showed up after 5 months…

I guess this seems like a common thing; perhaps her uncle after seeing that she did not die, and is being taken care of no longer feels the urgency in finding her a home; perhaps something happened to him, perhaps he has just not been able to afford the time and money to come into Port Au Prince… either way; we can’t do much until some decision is made on how to proceed next…

I need to fly down to Haiti again soon too, so I can submit the children’s paperwork under the Adjudicate Orphan First program…

H.I.S. Home for Children 2009

The 2009 H.I.S. Home 300 saw two ride groups (southern & northern routes) cover 300 miles in 6 days. The rides began in Joliet & Monticello, IL and ended in Harrod, OH. A combined total of 37 riders and 11 support personnel raised $38,000 and counting for H.I.S. Home for Children. H.I.S. Home is a ministry caring for orphaned and abandoned children in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

To learn more about H.I.S. Home for Children visit www.hishomeforchildren.com

Driving in Haiti

 

On this rainy Saturday afternoon, I decided to blog something from our Haiti trip.  This is just a quick video snippet – not much here – but plenty more where this one came from. 

 

Like so many other things in Haiti, when you get in a vehicle it is obvious that you are putting your life in God’s hands.  No real speed limits; hardly any traffic signs, road signs; the only real law seems to be “honk before you hit someone or something, or it is your fault”. 

Driving in Haiti, you cram 2-3 times as many people in the vehicles as the vehicle was intended to hold; no seat belts of course; no emissions regulations either – so you’re breathing thick black air poisonous air, your hair and skin is covered in dust and powdery black substances (soot?) when you get to your destination.

The roads are very adventurous though; huge potholes, stream beds, etc. 

 

So… why could we only fit 25 people in a 14 seat van?  See below for the answer!

A day to be sad… and grateful

I have no idea what I expect father’s day to be like; but I’m pretty sure it shouldn’t be like this years… 

Our kids woke us up fighting and arguing with each other around 5:30 in the morning.  Stupid things, dumb things, the most ridiculous things that they argue about, so I started my day with a little less than 5 hours of sleep (in truth i kind of dozed in and out from 5:30-7:30, so I may have gotten about 6 hours of sleep).  I don’t function really well on less than 7.5 hours of sleep.  So I’ve been kind of dragging all day, ready to fall asleep, can’t barely keep my eyes open.

I also have such a hard time when being amazed at how American my children are in their safe and comfortable homes, all the food they can eat (and snub their noses at), all the things they have and take for granted. 

I can’t fault my children for having such cushy and safe lives; I’m glad they have them, but I wish, I sure wish that when they sat down to pray for their food, they truly knew how thankful they should be that they had so much to choose from.  I wish they knew how lucky they are to be able to go to the doctors every time their ‘tummy hurts’; and know that they can get the best medicine that civilization has to offer them…

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be in a part of the world where I can give my children these things, but, I wish there was someway that they could see how really blessed they are, without them having to go without… it’s funny (ironic) how you really can’t learn appreciation for things you have except to experience their lack…  Perhaps that’s why suffering is so important…

So, I don’t fault my children for all the things they have and take for granted, but as I sat there today, eating my 15 fried clams, watching my wife eat her 13 dollar steak, watching my kids throw out their 8 dollar chicken meals, that they just decided they didn’t want after we ordered them; I was thinking about my son and daughter in Haiti much more than usual.

It’s odd, that while during the day today I was wishing that my children were somehow better behaved, and somehow more wizened in the ways of the suffering people experience in the world, so that they could be more appreciative, I probably should have spent a little bit more time, as a father, enjoying the fact that I am a father, and I do have children to annoy me, wake me up at 5:30 A.M., and fight and argue with each other.

Because all the while, as my tiredness was attributing to my frustration in how my children were acting, I was also missing Christella and Jediah something terrible. 

How can you really have a happy father’s day if all of your children aren’t around to wake you up at 5:30 in the morning, to fight and argue with each other, and to have all the healthy food they could want to eat. 

At the end of the day, I have realized, that I should have been myself more thankful today for the time that i did have with my children that are already living at home, and thank God that by the experience of the lack of having some of my children at home, he helped me realize that I need to appreciate what I do have through the sadness of the experience of what I don’t have.

Hrm… I guess being so tired makes me ramble too…  but, Donovan, Braeden, Bella: Thank you for being my children – even with all of your humanity and child-like naivety, and Christella and Jediah, I miss you guys so much, and look forward to the time when we will all be together.

Whoever said love doesn’t cost anything….

Nope, this really isn’t a philosophical post – it’s just a straight out humanistic discussion on the literal costs of love. 

A friend of mine wrote to me the other day saying “I wish I could afford to adopt” – and I was thinking, what a SAD reflection on the realities of life.

I’m about to write a 7,000$ check today for adoption costs (1300 of that is just to get some documents translated).  We’ve spent almost double that already out of pocket already, now that we have depleted all of our savings that we set aside for the adoption we’re now having to take loans out to pay for the adoption costs…

Children around the world, starving, dying, sleeping on dirt floors, eating mud, no mother, no father, suffering from treatable and curable diseases, and the literal costs associated with adopting and bringing them into your family, to care for them, love them and give them a hope for a better life is $15,000-$30,000 dollars (that’s a low estimate). 

But we keep reminding ourselves, as a parent you will pay anything for the health and safety of your children, and the health and safety of our Haitian children cannot be given a price, it’s priceless… so while frustrating, and a bit scary to be creating all these loans that will take a long time to pay back, we’ll continue to spend whatever we need to spend to bring our children home, and give all of our children the very best.