I was so very excited to see my children… very excited… and I wouldn’t really have been nervous about this plane trip this time at all, but now we have this Swine Flu outbreak. What if one of us parent’s going down to visit Haiti picks it up and brings it with us, what if one of the missionaries brings it down with them? Haiti is not a country in a position to protect it’s citizens from the flu; I’ve been told that a simple stomach bug has the potential (and has) killed many children in Haiti and it’s orphanages…
And what if we pick it up on a plane and bring it back to our children here in the states…
Suddenly, I’m given a whole new reason to worry… just what I need….
To adopt in Haiti one spouse must be 35 years of age, and if you one isn’t 35 years of age, you must have been married for 10 or more years. You must have no biological children, and you must be 19 years older than the child you are adopting.
Herein lies our problem.
Even though we’ve been married for over ten years, I am 31, Amanda is 29 – strike 1.
Even though the oldest child we are wanting to adopt is 5, so Amanda is 24 and I am almost 26 years older respectively, we have 3 biological children – strike 2.
Our attorney said that with both of these issues going against us, he would highly recommend us waiting until I reach 35 (4 more years) before we begin to adopt from Haiti, as the probability of our adoption taking an ‘indefinite amount of time’ is very high; and the possibility of being denied is very strong.
When looking at our adoption process, we have already spent months of dedicated time in preparing our family and our home and our paperwork for our adoption of our two Haitian children, and have invested unmentionable amounts of money just to get to the point of submitting our paperwork to the Haitian government.
We have invested time, emotion and love into our someday-to-be-children, felt the heartache of watching these two little children through the video screen of a computer, and wanting nothing more than to hold them in our arms, to give them the love and comforts that their biological parents could not give them. We’ve shed many, many tears thinking about how long it would be before they were safe at home with us, and how much hurt (especially our older girl) has gone through in loosing both her parents to death, and wanting to be there to comfort that pain and fill that emptiness.
We knew it was going to be tough, and yet, no one has actually quantified how tough it really was going to be for us to walk this road. The pain of possibility of year after year just waiting, and hoping; the possibility that even after all this we might be rejected. The fact that our little children will be sitting and waiting without parents to tuck them in at night during this whole time we fight for their future.
So now we’re supposed to walk away? I’m left numb, and disillusioned and saddened. Why would God send us here, just to find a dead-end road.
Surely we will take His hand and allow Him to lead us, and open doors in His time, in His time. He has brought us here, He will make a way!
As Antoine De Saint-Exupéry states: You risk much weeping if you allow yourself to be tamed. :~(
Christella was a little more communicative today. She nodded to us a few times, and she waved to Bella when we were looking the other way. She still doesn’t say much of anything and seems more interested in what all the other children are doing during our time together, but I have to keep reminding myself that she is 5 years old after all – how much fun can she have with a bunch of old people on the t.v. screen…
Little Jedidiah has grown SO MUCH! It’s incredible, he looks like a completely different baby. Amanda had to ask Hal if he was sure he brought us the right baby for the call! 🙂
He kept looking at Hal to get kisses on the head over and over again – it was so adorable. I am very excited to go and see them again; and at this point, I’m almost not dreading the plane right anymore. Whatever happens will happen, and if I get to see my babies again, I’ll be a happy man!
I’ll steal some of Amanda’s snapshots from her blog, so I don’t have to take any on my own 🙂
It’s amazing how the Lord uses unsuspecting people to help Him accomplish His purpose!
A little story for those that aren’t aware: When we went down to Haiti in Feb, we had just had the little girl we were about to start the adoption process with (Julia) taken home by her mother; we knew we wanted to adopt two children (we were adopting Christella too), but we were unsure of who else…
A little girl Fabienne had caught my eye on the sponsorship page from the very beginning and we knew we were going to sponsor her… Chris had told us a little about her and her story was very sad… her parents were both dead, and she had been waiting for almost two years for a grandfather who had said he was going to adopt her, but had then never followed through.
We spent the week with Fabienne and Christella. You’ve already probably heard how much we fell in love with our daughter Christella, so I won’t go into those details here. Fabienne was a lovely, precious little girl, friendly and rambunctious… but as much as we felt love for her, the Lord seemed to be whispering into Amanda’s heart "she is not your little girl"… and it tore us apart, to have to make the decision, but it just didn’t seem right… but we had faith that God had someone out there for her.
In the mean time Chris had already let Fabienne’s grandmother and Aunt know that someone was interested in possibly adopting her, and either way, it was time to make a decision as she could not sit in limbo for the rest of her life.
The family weekend came and went and Fabienne’s grandmother never showed up to make the decision, and we were very sad and frustrated for her.
In the mean time, Amanda called Chris and asked her about Fabienne’s grandmothers response, and also about little David, because she had taken pictures of David, and wanted to give them to his adoptive family. We saw the website which said that David already had an adoptive family. Chris said that David still didn’t have an adoptive family, and the silent little whisper that had been going on, filtered out by the background noise of life sprang to a pounding heart beat… almost immediately it became obvious that He was our second child!
And then, talking to Chris today about her trip to the states for Ronald, Amanda found out what God had been doing all along with Fabienne. Fabienne’s grandmother showed up this morning with the other family members and took her home to live with them!!!
It is amazing how God works and moves! Apparently our heart-beat for Fabienne was just a tool of His to give her grandmother a little push. He put the love in our hearts, and then softly spoke to Amanda and said "she is not your baby"; and then used that opportunity of our interest to show her grandmother how much she wanted her to come home. It’s funny sometimes to see how things are being directed…
We have no idea how things will turn out in the end, but it’s reassuring to sometimes get those small little glimpse of the plan that God has that He works out for the good of "all those who love him"…
Here is a brief video of some of the friends we met while in Haiti while there in Feb.
H.I.S. Home For Children is always in need of help and volunteers. They have a weekly food bill of around 2,000 and a rent for their two orphanage compounds of close to 2500$ a month, as well as so many other expenses and needs. If you are looking for ways to help, please contact us!
We are so blessed that the Lord has called us to be fellow workers in helping to meet the needs of these children in Haiti by showing them His love and compassion through our love and compassion.
If I wasn’t so worried about leaving my children without parents if something happened to me, I think I would be on the next plane to Haiti!
Skyping with our children in Haiti is getting a little easier. Settling back into the understanding that it is going to take time, a long time, and there is nothing we can do about it, brings almost a sense of relief in the acceptance. Please don’t misunderstand, it saddens me beyond words that it’s going to take so long, and I’m still resolved to do anything and everything I can to speed along the process, but, there is a certain pressure and pain in worrying about something you can’t change that is relieved when you finally accept that you can’t change something.
Instead, I realized today, I need to focus on what I can do. I can work to gain more financial independence so that I can give my five children an even better life. I can continue to work on being a better father and provider. I can pray without ceasing for the health and safety of my entire family (even with it being spread across the continent).
But I realized today too that I can’t be so caught up in getting my children home, that I forget to live my life with my children that are already home.
I think I really would be on a plane to Haiti tomorrow, if I didn’t have to worry about what would happen to my children if something happened to me…
Perhaps there is some blessing in how fast time flies… we are finishing up our Dossier within the next week or two – hoping that our lawyer can connect up with our Cresh, so we can get our dossier submitted – and then the long wait starts….
Jedidiah and Christella; beautiful and half a world away. I can’t wait to hold them again!
Waiting to talk to Christella today was almost like waiting for Christmas morning as a little child; there was the excitement and the butterflies in the stomach, and yet it was somewhat a little different.
Looming in the air was a twinge of sadness, having reinforced that our relationship as father and daughter is confined to face to face 10 minute conversations twice a month and letters that we write to her (but won’t expect any back in return).
When we got done, I was emotionally drained. I felt like I had been crying for hours… pathetic I know – but that was the feeling. I had a headache, signs of high blood pressure, sick to my stomach and just very, very sad.
I’m so glad we get to talk to her every two weeks, but boy, oh boy, does it really hurt to see her and still know that it’s going to be a long time before she comes home.
We made it home yesterday – after waiting 5 hours in the Haiti terminal, getting three hours of sleep in a Miami hotel, and another 2 hour flight and 5 hour drive. We are exhausted, and emotionally drained. To top it off, I think we picked something up on the way home, because we’ve been quite sick since Saturday evening.
I want to talk to our girls so bad; I want them to know that we didn’t abandon them, that we are still alive, that we are coming back for them, but I can’t – yet – and even if I could – how much would they understand?
It’s like these two people stepped out of a television show (Skype), made them happy for a week, showered them with love and affection, attention, and even physical possessions, that I’m sure they’ve had very little of – and then, like a dream, they woke up again one morning, and we were gone.
Do they know we really exist, do they know we really do love them, do they know that we’re coming back for them. Do they?
I was thinking when I got home, the famous words, of my most favorite movie: “The next time I go looking for my heart’s desire, I won’t look any further than my own backyard; if it’s not there, then I never really lost it to begin with.” – but that’s not entirely true – I am SO happy to be home, and the trip to Haiti has made me appreciate so much in my life that has gone unappreciated – I am truly a new person… but… I left part of my heart back in Haiti – so I now can’t really say that my heart’s desire is all in my own backyard… how very heart breaking…
Lord, please tell me… when can I be whole again? L
Wow! I’ve never been so overwhelmed so quickly. We went to the orphanage today, and went down into the toddler room – and we were swamped by 20 some odd toddlers, saying “mamma me”, “papa, papa” and covering us, and holding upraised hands with little fingers that were flashing “pick me up, pick me up”.
Every child had to have their turn, being held by “Papa” – and for each child I picked up; I got HUGE grins, and smiles, and then I put them down and moved on to the next child.
I was overwhelmed during that time, and felt almost a little dirty because of all of the runny noses and dirty hands that I had all over me (and I’m a clean freak). But later on, as I was leaving, I was also overwhelmed with sadness, as I saw these faces starting at me from around the back yard to wave goodbye.
Many of these children are being adopted, but because of the laws of Haiti, they have been waiting SO very long, and very rarely get to actually feel the touch of their parents.
HIS Home for children was amazing; the love they are given, the care they are given, but nothing, and I mean nothing can compare to the gentle brush on a cheek from mamma or papa. I was overwhelmed with sadness as we left, and waved goodbye.
A couple of the children, one especially, who had almost died when he had first come in, and had went
and had a treatment in the states and came back HIV positive from a blood transfusion, this little boy touched my heart.
He was going around to everyone and kissing everyone, and hugging everyone. He even asked me to go around and give out kisses and hugs with him. Every time he saw me he would look up at me and give me a huge grin, because I had helped him up the stairs when we first got there and he was terrified, and then gave him a couple chocolates.
I’ve been fighting back constant tears today, realizing that we are leaving our girls in two days… I hope they understand, that they can begin to understand that if it is God’s will, that we will be back for them, as soon as we can…
